New Approach: God Please Make Me Skinny

“God please make me skinny” is an ongoing process. It originally started with just that “God please make me skinny”.  Actually, it looked more like a cry of desperation and hopelessness with both fists waving in the air.  I was in a place in my life that I didn’t like, didn’t want to be and didn’t really want to stay very long. 

Has that ever happened to you?  You find yourself walking through a set of experiences realizing that you need to quickly learn what the lessons are so you don’t have to stay very long.  You know, a little ninja action: quick and like it never happened! As I mentioned in the first article, it was as though the definition of insanity took up residence in my life and there was nothing I could do to make it go away.

Out of the process of becoming undone, I’ve become ever so grateful for the gifts of time and change.  I don’t know if they are gifts, but I call them gifts because I’m extremely grateful for both.  The gift of time separates me from the situation and experience. The more distance, the more time, the clearer things become.  You don’t always get the luxury of leaving the hurt and pain at the place of impact, but you do have the opportunity to soberly look whatever it is square in the eyes and say what you need to say. For me, I’ve said a couple of choice phrases which is why I count change a gift.

THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE

I don’t remember where I was or what I was doing, but I remember what I was feeling. I remember feeling like I was at the lowest point in my life and knew that what I just experienced was unacceptable to me.   The change started when I acknowledged that what was done to me was unacceptable. 

Words have a huge impact. It is said they bring life or give death.  The following words are weighty.  You wouldn’t think so when reading the following, but they weigh a lot, slow you down and hold you back: bitterness, self-bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, resentment, false accusation, lies, worry, doubt, fear, anxiety, and etc.  I mean, when you think about it, how do you weigh one of the words above?  How do you gauge the impact they have on your life?  How can you tell they are slowing you down?

And this is preciously why I started to see a biblical counselor.  I’ve been to counselors before, but I was seeking a specific type of help. I was looking for someone that had experience with abuse, worked from a biblical foundation and the help I would be receiving would be Holy Spirit led as well as Bible based.   For the past five months, Mary and I have been meeting every week and we have seen incredible changes, much healing and lots of growth. To use the phrase, “a weight has been lifted off me” rings true.

I AM NOT OKAY

This was a little harder for me to admit, “I am not okay”.  Truthfully, I wasn’t and for the first time in my life, it felt good to say.  This is where I started to make even more changes.  I found myself smack dab in the middle of the decision to change or stay the same.  And it was time to change.  I had returned from a trip and after that everything changed. 

There wasn’t one facet of my life that remained the same.  I would like to say that the changes were gradual and progressive. However, that isn’t remotely close to being the truth.  Everything about my life changed. It’s been a couple months and I am still sticking to the changes. Sure, there are kinks every now and then but for the most part, the changes I’ve made are still intact.

The words “God please make me skinny” were showing up in just about every facet of my life. It’s funny, when you ask God for something, he gives you not what you want but what you need.  He knows what is best for us and gives us everything we need to be successful through the process. When you surrender to the changes God desires to bring in your life, the changes are not temporary. 

The other day, I was walking in to work and it dawned on me that I was excited about life.  For the first time in my life, I was truly excited about life; not about a ministry, program, project, event or an assignment.  To be excited about life is a beautiful thing and a good place to be.

GOD PLEASE MAKE ME SKINNY

On the physical side of life, I’ve always struggled with my weight. When I was in high school, I struggled with an eating disorder. The summer going in to college, I was at a scrimmage game with the women’s soccer team at college. I did something and ended up with a third degree ankle sprain.

“What now?”  Soccer had been a big part of my life and to not play was a difficult thing for me to process through. Sitting on the side lines, cheering on my team was sheer agony.  But there I was, on the side lines, moon boot and all. At some point, I gave up and stopped caring.  From that moment, I found more and more comfort in food and solitude. 

After I finished that year, the next ten years seemed to be one change after another:  moved states, graduated college, changed jobs, moved states, changed jobs again, entered full time ministry and here we are.  With that, my weight went up and down but mostly up.  At this point in my life, I’ve changed everything, so why not change my weight as well. 

“God please make me skinny” really is an ongoing process of Him removing the weights and sins that so easily entangle me. It’s God revealing my patterns and habits, then showing me what needs to change. It’s God restoring me to the person he created me to be and delivering me from the pain and hurt I’ve held on to for so long.  It’s God showing me where I’ve hidden, why I hide and what really is not the best for me.

Like I said, it’s an ongoing process. So far, I’m enjoying the journey, celebrating the victories and finding my voice in the process.  I’ve learned that surrender is a doorway to blessings and obedience is a catalyst for God’s glory.  God is making all things new!  

Chick Chat: Heart Matters

It’s a beautiful day in Phoenix, Arizona.  Sitting at Starbucks, having coffee with a friend and we get to talking about a favorite topic amongst ladies, “men” of course.  She was gushing about “Mr. Amazing”, what she has been praying for, how he should treat her, how she wanted to be pursued and so forth.  Right about here, I stopped and asked, “If Mr. Amazing walked up to you right now, would you know it was he?”  She thought about it for a moment, and realized that she wouldn’t have any idea.

I realized that many of us pray and hope for a Mr. Amazing to walk into our lives. We pray for certain characteristics, mannerisms, how we hope he will treat us, how he would pursue us and much more.  For some of us, we have a list or revised lists of what we want in a spouse.  We may take the list out every now and then to check and double check that we have everything we are looking for.

So, what does a godly man look like?  What does a financially independent and stable man look like?  What does an emotionally available man look like?  Are our prayers and lists based on what we want, what we think we need, an idea or notion of what will be best for us?  Are the prayers we pray and the lists we make done out of past hurts to be used as a safeguard to keep us from future pain?

Let’s land on that for a moment: past hurts.  Many women have been hurt by a family member, someone close to them, or past boyfriend.  Perhaps it’s been a one-time offense, but what if it’s happened over and over again? First by your dad or step dad, then a family member, boyfriend after boyfriend, guy friend and so forth: how do you bounce back from that?  It can make a heart grow cold, jaded, cynical, cautious, calloused, bitter, angry, vengeful, fearful...even doubtful.

When a heart has experienced a trauma, there is an association and our internal defenses kick in.  To safeguard against this experience ever happening again, we defer to and lean on our mind.  This is where we catalog the guy’s characteristics, traits, mannerisms, quirks, friends, preferences, likes, dislikes, etc. We may consciously or unconsciously put the guy through test after test, keeping track of the results in our mental case file.  While he is passing test after test, we are keeping him at arms distance and yet wanting him to pursue us at the same time.  For some, we have a wall the size of Jericho and twice its thickness for him to scale, should he survive the land mines, moat and barbed wire.

On one hand, we want to be loved and understood. On the other hand, we don’t trust ourselves let alone someone else.  Trust is broken, confidence is shattered, and yet we still yearn to be loved and understood.  But the fear, the fear of letting someone in—to know us, love us, see us as we really are and to be there when we fail or fall—is overwhelming, even paralyzing. So we do a little recon: friends first, build trust, learn who this guy is and go from there. Perhaps, your forte is mind games, promiscuity or addictions to numb the pain. Whatever puts you in control. 

Here is the problem: our self-preservation birthed out of pain or trauma isn’t biblical. Hear my heart ladies, I’m not saying we are robots and all ability to make choices is terminated as a Christian. I’m also not minimizing the pain and hurt you feel in your heart about past situations.  What I’m hoping to do is give a voice to the pain, help you understand how to move beyond the pain, position you to receive all that God has for you and direct you to a place where you are making healthy choices.

In Genesis 1, we learn “the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God as hovering over the waters.” Then in verse 3 we read the words, “and God said…” Realize that nothing moves until God speaks.  Perhaps you can relate to the words formless, empty and dark.  Maybe you are in a place where you need to hear God speak into your life once again.  Maybe you need to hear that you are the apple of his eye, his love for you is perfect, his love towards you doesn’t expire or fade over time, that his thoughts toward you out number the grains of sand.  There are hundreds more verses that speak truth to how much God loves and cares for you. Are you ready to hear them?

There comes a point in our lives when the pain of an experience is too much to bear.  The weight and agony of the experience runs like a movie clip over and over yet, there is a voice inside that wants to scream out for help.  In the first part of Isaiah 42, there is a description of Jesus.  It is written that “a bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice" (Isaiah 42.3).  When there is an injustice we can bet that God is aware of it.  Though justice may not arise right away, there will be justice.  The promise is that in our moments of weakness, desperation and helplessness, God has not forgotten.  He will not kick us when we are down or destroy us beyond repair. 

God wants for us to be whole and healed.  To reference a popular passage, “He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake” (Ps 23.2-3). Take a moment to read the Psalm.  David starts out by confessing that God is his shepherd and because God is his shepherd, he lacks nothing.  The verses following enlighten us as to why David lacks nothing: he makes, he leads, he refreshes, he guides. To conclude, it’s for his name’s sake.

You are God’s creation. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. He has ordered your steps, numbered your days, numbered the hairs on your head, sees when you sit and when you stand, your paths are in his full view and his love is perfect.  There is no fear, no anxiety, no worry, no doubt in God’s love.  There is no room for lying, mistrust, division and deception in God’s love.  In I John 4:18 we are told, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

If you are in a place where your pain is too much to bear, I want to chat with you.  Perhaps you are on the other side of your experiences and breathing easier, walking lighter and are feeling refreshed more and more every day. You are doing it!  Continue to search God’s Word to hear his love and promises for you.  Maybe, this article isn’t for you. My hope is that you may know someone who does need to read it and will pass it on.

Let’s choose to let God be our counsel, protection, truth and healer through his Word and the Holy Spirit. There is no shame in seeking additional support through prayer and/or professional counseling.  Remember, God’s love for you is perfect and his desire is that you are whole and healed.

Until next time, be blessed. Know that you’re an incredible woman of God. You have so much purpose and significance that can't be measured by the weights and values of this world. What is in you to give is so powerful, life giving and ignites a passion. No one is ever the same after they encounter you because of Jesus in you!

The Next It Girl | Part 2 of 3

Previously in “The Next It Girl”, we chatted about how our name and reputation reflect our walk with God.  Being God’s It Girl isn’t about what you wear, who you know, where you’ve been and what you are doing. It starts with your name.

Your name is your reputation and your resume. Your name will be how others remember you and the God they come to know through relationship with you. Your name will be remembered long after you are gone and so will all that is associated with your name.  Your name has the power and influence to be a blessing, change someone’s life and effect change within your sphere of influence.

Part two of “The Next It Girl” is about how to have swag from the inside out.  Sounds strange, I know!  Usually, swag is seen on the outside: what you wear, how you walk, the way you talk and how you carry yourself, which is preciously why your swag starts from the inside out.  Let’s take a look at our culture for a moment.

The “next it girl” according to the standards of this world, possess some of the following: looks, demeanor and influence.  Take for example, movie and sports stars.  Those that are epitomized by media and idealized by humanity, tend to act and dress a certain way.  Additionally, they are able to influence others to a certain degree.  Their image is everything.  Teeth, legs, arms, smiles, hands, fingers and so forth are getting insured for millions; their money maker is at stake and God forbid that something should happen to them, they are covered. 

Media does a great job at using and abusing people for profit. Once one “it girl” fades into yesterdays, the “next it girl” is the wing waiting to take her place. Compliments of her team, the “next it girl” has an element of swag that others want to emulate: trendy, seen at the hot spots, showcases the finest accessories and rollin up in the most luxurious ride.  Don’t get me wrong, rocking your swag that is unique to you is awesome! Do it, own it, rock it, live it, and whatever you do, do it from the inside out and not the outside in. 

When you are looking for the “A Team” to help you with your swag, you are in great hands. First, this team will not use and abuse you, guaranteed. Second, this team will not let you down, abandon you or mislead you. Most importantly, this team has nothing but your best interest in mind; they know the plan, stick to the plan and are patient in the midst of the plan coming together.  Your “A Team” is none other than the Father, Son & Holy Spirit. If you don’t believe me, then walk with me for a moment.

Throughout the Old Testament, we are told about the perfect and unconditional love of God for his people; that God knew us before we were a twinkle in the eyes of our parents, our steps are ordered, the hairs on our head are numbered and our paths are in his full view.  Ephesians explains the blessings of being a Christian and Paul helps us understand exactly what love truly is.

John tells us that in the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God, the Word is in fact God. Then that same Word became flesh and dwelt among us, Jesus Christ.  Taking our shame and sin upon himself, he endured the cross and conquered death.  Leaving to prepare a place for us, we are given the Holy Spirit to be with us in every facet of our life as our teacher, helper, counselor, protector, comforter and so forth.

If you are looking for swag, God has it in spades.  He knows the times and the seasons, the creator of color and is the standard.  He knows how all things work together, the beginning from the end. God knows what’s in the heart of man, his needs before he speaks them and sees when we sit, stand, come and go. God’s wisdom confounds the wise, he gives beauty for ashes and joy for mourning. When trials and situations come, he is there every step. He leads us to green pastures, quiet waters, through the valley of the shadow of death, valleys of weeping and to doors of hope.

God knows the philosophies of this world are based on human traditions and principles of man. He is right when he speaks and just when he judges.  In wisdom and understanding, God created heaven and earth.  When you are looking for power and influence, look to the one who commands the stars, by his very words, rains fall and flowers bloom; nothing moves until he speaks.

What does swag look like? It’s peace in the midst of the storm, it’s perseverance, it’s boldness and courage to stand up for what is right, it’s giving water and food to your enemy, caring for the poor and loving your neighbor as yourself. It’s showing grace, extending mercy, finding a need and filling it.

Paul tells us that our body is temporary, that it’s wasting away daily. Matthew pens the words of Jesus that we should not worry about what we will eat, drink and wear.  Whatever hope and faith we put into something other than God, we will be let down. 

Swag naturally flows out of your relationship with God; the deeper your relationship, the greater your swag. It’s in your relationship with God that you know who you are in Christ, your unique skills and abilities as well as your purpose. When your relationship with God is deep and abiding, it’s not teetering on the trends of this world.

You may be thinking, I’ve made too many wrong choices and am too far gone for God’s love to be for me too.  That is 100% a lie to keep you from receiving all that God has for you. There are lies you’ve believed that have become so much a part of your name and nature that you don’t even realize they are a lie. 

Write down what you believe about yourself and what people say about you.  Now, find out what the Bible says about you.  If what you believe about yourself and what others have said about you line up with the Word of God, then awesome! If not, then make a choice at that moment to replace the lie with the truth.  God’s love for you does not expire or fade over time.

Heart to Heart:
·         Where is your relationship with Christ at?
·         Are you putting your faith and hope in things more than you are in God?
·         Are you allowing God to change your name and nature or you trying to emulate someone else?
·         How are you developing the unique person that God created you to be?

The Next It Girl | Part 1 of 3

When I meet people, there are a couple of things that I try and find out. First, I love to learn a little bit about them: what they like to do, where they’ve traveled, where they want to travel, what are some of their favorite places.  This helps me to remember them if I haven’t committed their fabulous outfit to memory yet. And yes, I’m that annoying girl who somehow remembers what you wore the first time I met you.  It’s not to say that I’m keeping tabs, but let’s say you stroll up with a bold shoe, a flattering dress, styled your hair or make up just so or perhaps you were rockin’ a piece of jewelry that complimented your outfit. You can bet that I will remember that I met you, what you wore, where we were when we met and something about our conversation.

Second thing I love to get to know about a person is where they are from and how their family is doing.  Your roots are the most important thing in this life: where you’ve come from and where you’ve been. Your family is the biggest influence and support system in your life.  If at any time, I get the privilege of meeting someone, I will be asking about the family. 

Last but not least, I love to learn about your name: what does it mean? Have you ever noticed how influential a person’s name is? For example, I know mother’s to be who will pass up a name that reminded them of “so and so” from way back when.  What about products?  Bad products get bad reputations and good products get great reputations; the name associated with that product speaks to the reputation. How about the people you’ve dated, befriended or perhaps supervisors:  what does their name say about their reputation?

The Bible is the finest example for studying people’s names, their meaning and how their life reflected the meaning of their name.  Going Old Testament for a moment, the name of a person had significant meaning.  You find names chosen from endured trials, answer to prayers, miracles from God, attributes and so forth. For example, Judah, means praise. This is pretty significant for in the Old Testament the first tribe to lead out to battle was Judah.  What about the enemies of Israel? The enemies that Israel faced, the other tribes, had significant meaning behind their name: bitterness, wickedness, fear, hardness, soreness, etc.

The best names in the Bible to study are the names of God. For when you study the names of God, you learn about whom God is, his attributes; how you can rest, rely and trust in the Lord.  If you could simply replace the names of God with a name of a “god” it wouldn’t be the same. You can’t exchange the name of God for a “god” because there is a character and attribute connected with the name of God. Think about it for a moment, how many attributes are associated with the name of God? And with those attributes, how has God shown himself in your life: as a Rescuer, Comforter, Helper, Strong Tower, Righteousness, Father, Friend, Healer, King, Lord, Deliverer, Salvation, Savior, Provider, Protector, Justice, Counsel, Teacher and etc.?

Let’s check out some of the names of God:  

·         Adonai is a combination of “God” and “Lord”, in which we might say, “Lord God”.

·         Yahweh means “to be”.

·         Elohim is used to identify Himself, “reflecting divine majesty and power”.

·         Elyon literally means “supreme God” or “most loved God”.

·         El Shaddai or “God Almighty”

·         Jehovah-Jireh means “the Lord will provide”.

I don’t know about you, but when I study the names of God, talk about who God is, I can’t help but smile and get excited.  Is God like man that he should lie or say one thing and do another?  If we ask God for a loaf of bread, will he give us a scorpion?

Proverbs 22.1 is a verse near and dear to my heart, “a good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.” Did you get that; “a good name is more desirable than great riches”!  Think about it for a moment. Read the verse a couple more times if you need to. Okay, now riddle me this: what does your name reflect?

The world in which we live will judge you by what you wear, what you drive, where you live and what you have or don’t have.  It will condemn you for what you believe and black list you for not going along with them.  To be God’s It Girl, has a greater value and is more challenging to maintain. Why? Great question!

Being God’s It Girl doesn’t start with the having the right look or the things.  It’s not about the clothes you wear, what you drive, where you went to school or didn’t, who you’ve dated or haven’t, what you’ve achieved or not.  Being God’s It Girl starts with your name.

Think about it for a second: when God made a covenant with Abram that he would greatly increase his numbers and from that point on, God changed his name from Abram to Abraham. He went from “high father” to “father of great multitude”. Before Jacob wrestled with the Angel, his name meant deceiver. After the wrestling match was over, Jacob was forever changed and so did his name, “who prevails with God”.

Your name will be your reputation and your resume. Your name will be how others remember you and the God they come to know through relationship with you. Your name will be remembered long after you are gone and so will all that is associated with your name.  Your name has the power and influence to be a blessing, change someone’s life and effect change within your sphere of influence.

Maintaining a name that is more desirable than riches requires discipline.  It requires you to stay in right relationship with God, make good choices, live a pure life and do your best to reflect who God is in your life on an on-going basis.

So how about it, what do you say: are you God’s It Girl?