What I love about my conversations is they are genuine, sincere and out of necessity to them and to us. Sauntering in to my office, seated on the other side of my desk, we catch up on casual conversations. And then the fun continues.
“Can guys and girls be best friends?”
Great question! If you would have asked me ten years ago, I would have said yes. However, time and experience has afforded me the opportunity to learn and know differently. Question for you: does your mom have a guy best friend other than your dad? Is there a guy that your mom goes to hang out with, do life with, talk about deep insights with? Does your mom go on day trips with this best friend or stay up late on the phone, texting endlessly?
That’s what I thought! Of course the question can be interchanged from mom to dad. Either way, the principle remains the same, guys and gals cannot be best friends. The person you marry is your best friend. Also, the Bible is pretty clear with the boundaries within marriage, concerning husband and wife relationship as well as nurturing your marriage.
Ultimately, it comes down to two things: mind and emotions. The dynamics of a guy gal relationship affect the mind and emotions. To guard your heart, you need to know the condition of your mind and emotions prior to entering in a guy gal relationship. Additionally, to further protect your heart, you need to place limitations on how far your mind and emotions are involved.
“Why do girls use the God card?”
Ah, what the wild card is to the game of Uno is the “God Card” in the Christian community as it relates to romantic relationships. It’s the game changer. Guys and gals use it at various times, in various situations and when they do use it, it’s the last round of ammo in the Christian arsenal to deter a person.
Dialoguing through the question, the reality is that guys use the “God Card” just as much as the girls. In this particular conversation, the boys wanted to cast blame on the girls for using the “God Card” instead of just saying things the way they needed to be. I could sit there and listen to their heart about why they wanted to blame the girls and spend time venting. However, there are three issues that need to be resolved.
First things first, the issue of position; the guy is the pursuer, the leader and the initiator. The responsibility of the guy is to seek God’s heart to know about the relationship before it even begins, know how to cherish and care for a girl’s heart as well as seek God’s approval before initiating something more serious.
This in itself brings up a couple of choice topics: do you seek God’s direction before you pursue a girl or during the pursuit? Do you wait to know if there is a “spark” or seek God’s direction for this relationship? How much does God want to be involved in my relationships: platonic and romantic?
Second issue is that of accountability and mentorship. It’s important for guys to be accountable to other guys as well as have mentors. This gives opportunity to learn, grow, ask the hard questions, learn how to cherish a woman’s heart, how to provide, how to lead, how to nurture a relationship and so forth.
Last but not least, the issue of skill. Some people, flat out, just are not equipped with the skills to communicate how they feel, what they want, what they need and at what pace they need the relationship to develop. It’s a pretty rampant problem within this generation let alone the Christian community. The “God Card” gets pulled most often when someone doesn’t know how to respond, is responding out of fear or past pain, or out of religious position.
I hope this article has been insightful and helpful. As always, I welcome your questions and comments. If you have any topics you’d like to learn more about, send me an email.