New Approach: God Please Make Me Skinny

“God please make me skinny” is an ongoing process. It originally started with just that “God please make me skinny”.  Actually, it looked more like a cry of desperation and hopelessness with both fists waving in the air.  I was in a place in my life that I didn’t like, didn’t want to be and didn’t really want to stay very long. 

Has that ever happened to you?  You find yourself walking through a set of experiences realizing that you need to quickly learn what the lessons are so you don’t have to stay very long.  You know, a little ninja action: quick and like it never happened! As I mentioned in the first article, it was as though the definition of insanity took up residence in my life and there was nothing I could do to make it go away.

Out of the process of becoming undone, I’ve become ever so grateful for the gifts of time and change.  I don’t know if they are gifts, but I call them gifts because I’m extremely grateful for both.  The gift of time separates me from the situation and experience. The more distance, the more time, the clearer things become.  You don’t always get the luxury of leaving the hurt and pain at the place of impact, but you do have the opportunity to soberly look whatever it is square in the eyes and say what you need to say. For me, I’ve said a couple of choice phrases which is why I count change a gift.

THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE

I don’t remember where I was or what I was doing, but I remember what I was feeling. I remember feeling like I was at the lowest point in my life and knew that what I just experienced was unacceptable to me.   The change started when I acknowledged that what was done to me was unacceptable. 

Words have a huge impact. It is said they bring life or give death.  The following words are weighty.  You wouldn’t think so when reading the following, but they weigh a lot, slow you down and hold you back: bitterness, self-bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, resentment, false accusation, lies, worry, doubt, fear, anxiety, and etc.  I mean, when you think about it, how do you weigh one of the words above?  How do you gauge the impact they have on your life?  How can you tell they are slowing you down?

And this is preciously why I started to see a biblical counselor.  I’ve been to counselors before, but I was seeking a specific type of help. I was looking for someone that had experience with abuse, worked from a biblical foundation and the help I would be receiving would be Holy Spirit led as well as Bible based.   For the past five months, Mary and I have been meeting every week and we have seen incredible changes, much healing and lots of growth. To use the phrase, “a weight has been lifted off me” rings true.

I AM NOT OKAY

This was a little harder for me to admit, “I am not okay”.  Truthfully, I wasn’t and for the first time in my life, it felt good to say.  This is where I started to make even more changes.  I found myself smack dab in the middle of the decision to change or stay the same.  And it was time to change.  I had returned from a trip and after that everything changed. 

There wasn’t one facet of my life that remained the same.  I would like to say that the changes were gradual and progressive. However, that isn’t remotely close to being the truth.  Everything about my life changed. It’s been a couple months and I am still sticking to the changes. Sure, there are kinks every now and then but for the most part, the changes I’ve made are still intact.

The words “God please make me skinny” were showing up in just about every facet of my life. It’s funny, when you ask God for something, he gives you not what you want but what you need.  He knows what is best for us and gives us everything we need to be successful through the process. When you surrender to the changes God desires to bring in your life, the changes are not temporary. 

The other day, I was walking in to work and it dawned on me that I was excited about life.  For the first time in my life, I was truly excited about life; not about a ministry, program, project, event or an assignment.  To be excited about life is a beautiful thing and a good place to be.

GOD PLEASE MAKE ME SKINNY

On the physical side of life, I’ve always struggled with my weight. When I was in high school, I struggled with an eating disorder. The summer going in to college, I was at a scrimmage game with the women’s soccer team at college. I did something and ended up with a third degree ankle sprain.

“What now?”  Soccer had been a big part of my life and to not play was a difficult thing for me to process through. Sitting on the side lines, cheering on my team was sheer agony.  But there I was, on the side lines, moon boot and all. At some point, I gave up and stopped caring.  From that moment, I found more and more comfort in food and solitude. 

After I finished that year, the next ten years seemed to be one change after another:  moved states, graduated college, changed jobs, moved states, changed jobs again, entered full time ministry and here we are.  With that, my weight went up and down but mostly up.  At this point in my life, I’ve changed everything, so why not change my weight as well. 

“God please make me skinny” really is an ongoing process of Him removing the weights and sins that so easily entangle me. It’s God revealing my patterns and habits, then showing me what needs to change. It’s God restoring me to the person he created me to be and delivering me from the pain and hurt I’ve held on to for so long.  It’s God showing me where I’ve hidden, why I hide and what really is not the best for me.

Like I said, it’s an ongoing process. So far, I’m enjoying the journey, celebrating the victories and finding my voice in the process.  I’ve learned that surrender is a doorway to blessings and obedience is a catalyst for God’s glory.  God is making all things new!