What I love about my conversations
is they are genuine, sincere and out of necessity to them and to us. Sauntering in to my office, seated on the
other side of my desk, we catch up on casual conversations. And then the fun
continues.
“Can guys and girls be best friends?”
Great question! If you would have asked me ten years ago, I
would have said yes. However, time and
experience has afforded me the opportunity to learn and know differently. Question for you: does your mom have a guy
best friend other than your dad? Is there
a guy that your mom goes to hang out with, do life with, talk about deep
insights with? Does your mom go on day
trips with this best friend or stay up late on the phone, texting endlessly?
That’s what I thought! Of course the question can be interchanged
from mom to dad. Either way, the
principle remains the same, guys and gals cannot be best friends. The person you marry is your best
friend. Also, the Bible is pretty clear
with the boundaries within marriage, concerning husband and wife relationship
as well as nurturing your marriage.
Ultimately, it comes down to two
things: mind and emotions. The dynamics
of a guy gal relationship affect the mind and emotions. To guard your heart, you need to know the
condition of your mind and emotions prior to entering in a guy gal
relationship. Additionally, to further protect your heart, you need to place
limitations on how far your mind and emotions are involved.
“Why do girls use the God card?”
Ah, what the wild card is to the
game of Uno is the “God Card” in the Christian community as it relates to romantic relationships. It’s the game changer. Guys and gals use it at various times, in various
situations and when they do use it, it’s the last round of ammo in the
Christian arsenal to deter a person.
Dialoguing through the question,
the reality is that guys use the “God Card” just as much as the girls. In this particular conversation, the boys
wanted to cast blame on the girls for using the “God Card” instead of just
saying things the way they needed to be.
I could sit there and listen to their heart about why they wanted to
blame the girls and spend time venting.
However, there are three issues that need to be resolved.
First things first, the issue of
position; the guy is the pursuer, the leader and the initiator. The responsibility of the guy is to seek God’s
heart to know about the relationship before it even begins, know how to cherish
and care for a girl’s heart as well as seek God’s approval before initiating
something more serious.
This in itself brings up a couple
of choice topics: do you seek God’s direction before you pursue a girl or
during the pursuit? Do you wait to know if there is a “spark” or seek God’s
direction for this relationship? How
much does God want to be involved in my relationships: platonic and romantic?
Second issue is that of accountability
and mentorship. It’s important for guys
to be accountable to other guys as well as have mentors. This gives opportunity to learn, grow, ask
the hard questions, learn how to cherish a woman’s heart, how to provide, how
to lead, how to nurture a relationship and so forth.
Last but not least, the issue of
skill. Some people, flat out, just are not equipped with the skills to
communicate how they feel, what they want, what they need and at what pace they
need the relationship to develop. It’s a
pretty rampant problem within this generation let alone the Christian
community. The “God Card” gets pulled most often when someone doesn’t know how
to respond, is responding out of fear or past pain, or out of religious
position.
I hope this article has been insightful and
helpful. As always, I welcome your questions
and comments. If you have any topics you’d
like to learn more about, send me an email.
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